its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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