meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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