Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
