I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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