hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
