YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
