I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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