I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Send help, water and tortillas.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
