I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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