I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
