You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
