It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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