Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
