ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
