i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
