she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
