I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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