Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
