just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
