I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
