Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
