Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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