There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
