I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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