a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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