I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
