im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
