I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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