I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
