Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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