and next time when you feel me up, do it right
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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