They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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