i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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