She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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