he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish you could order shots online.
nutella sex= disaster
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Did I show you my penis last night?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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