I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
