i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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