I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
