Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
