We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
BRING THE BAGELS
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
