we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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