Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
