were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
