He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
