You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
