oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
