When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
