I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
