dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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