what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
